Moving Past Fear and Apprehension

Today I had to get real with myself. That meant confronting what’s in my heart versus what’s in my head… no easy task, I might add… and move past fear and apprehension…

I’ll be 65 in a couple of months but actually retired on my 62nd birthday. Most of my career has been in some form of IT – programming, operations, training, client support, installations… and I truly enjoyed it. However, I became burnt out. On top of it all, I was plagued with migraines and vertigo – not a pretty combo.

On my last job I worked the overnight shift, supporting clients worldwide. It was a good job but each night I had to determine if I could last until the morning (8 am) or take the last train home. Problem was I began my shift at 11:30 pm; the last train left at 1:36 am.

On top of that stress nightly, I dealt with the guilt of not being a team player. Our shift had maybe ten people max scheduled; being minus one person was an added burden to the others. I’ve been in that situation on other jobs and I didn’t want to put others through it night after night… In my mind, I was not dependable, something I knew not to be true ordinarily.

Much prayer and soul searching resulted in the Lord asking me if I trusted Him. “Yes, Lord. You know I do,” was my reply. What He was really asking me was did I trust Him for what I could not see… no income other than Social Security. Apprehensively I continued to say “Yes, Lord.”

See, the problem wasn’t trusting Him but moving past the fear and apprehension that I might fail… that for some reason God would not move according to my schedule and meet my financial needs.

I’ve always been a self-reliant person who has a backup plan or option. Even when praying, I believed God for what He said but my mind still had A-B-C options somewhere tucked away… options that I would take to Him if I felt things were about to go south. Boy, was I in for a humongous, long lesson in learning to really trust God to be who and what He says He is!

Fast forward to today…

Not only is writing this post causing me, a very private person, to bare a part of my soul, it’s also forcing me to move past fear and apprehension. Fear and apprehension of what, you might ask… of knowing that once I post this, there’s no turning back. I won’t be able to erase it. Something that has been deeply hidden within me is now being put out there for anyone to read.

So why do it, you might ask.


More than anything else, even greater than the fear that was within me, I want to be able to help others overcome their fears and apprehensions and live life victoriously!

To be honest, that is a mandate on my life… God called and ordained me to preach, teach, and minister His word – something I take seriously and love doing. Part of that requires transparency. It’s one thing to reveal things to a small group, class, etc. It’s an entirely different matter to post it on the worldwide web… yet I’m doing precisely that… and with great joy and peace, too, I might add!

My faith in and relationship with God are what have brought me through the trials and tribulations, challenges, failures and successes of my life. He knew what it would take for me to move past myself and live life victoriously – His way! It’s ongoing, this moving past myself thing… but I’m not afraid anymore.

Will apprehension raise its ugly head again? Will fear try to consume me again? Of course they will, but I’ve learned how to recognize them and be victorious. I’ve learned to let God lead and guide me, to trust Him when I can’t think straight or see what steps to take. I’ve learned that His ways are not mine; His are infinitely better because He knows the beginning from the end and sees every trap the enemy will set and every step I will take or miss.

I can’t say what lies ahead for me, but I can say I’m an ongoing overcomer of fear and apprehension as I live life victoriously!

Choose Your Words Wisely

Prov. 15:1 – A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Busy w/ the cares of life… Rushing to and fro… Deadlines to meet… Schedules to keep… Traffic… Loved ones placing demands on your time… Supervisors that don’t understand… Jobless… Homeless… Hungry… Irritation… Frustration… Not enough time to do what needs to be done… No one is listening to you…

People just don’t seem to care…

All of us face situations and challenges every single moment of every day. Some we handle well and others, well… Tempers flare, harsh words slip past our lips – words that cannot be taken back. Suddenly things are out of hand; relationships are irreparably damaged – and all because of something we said.

What do we do? What CAN we do to prevent this in the future???

Choose your words wisely…

What are soft or gentle words? What do they do? They are meant to soothe; diffuse situations; calm tense nerves. They allow us time to think and see things in a different light. They promote reconciliation and healing.

On the other hand, grievous or harsh words hurt. They stir up anger; cause strife; escalate matters negatively. They can cause irreparable damage and even lead to death. We can hurt, destroy, or even kill a person physically, mentally, emotionally and/or spiritually simply with the words we say. Prov. 18:21 tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Using soft or gentle words does not mean that you are weak. Just because you don’t let your emotions get the best of you where you find it necessary to prove your point, have the last word, or “prove your superiority,” but instead choose to stop and think about the possible ramifications of your words does not mean that you don’t have a backbone or that you don’t know what you’re talking about or that you’re wrong.

On the contrary, it shows an exercise of strength and self-control by the speaker, a taking of time to choose one’s words wisely…

Our words come from our hearts. The Bible tells us in Proverbs that as we think in our hearts so we are. We are admonished to guard our hearts because it is the wellspring – or source of supply – of life.

“Bad” or evil people are not the only ones who speak harsh or grievous words. “Good” people, including Christians, do so as well. No one is exempt because no one is perfect. However, imperfection is not an excuse for not checking your heart and guarding your tongue.

Jesus spoke these eternal words of caution in Matthew 12: Out of the overflow (abundance) of the heart the mouth speaks… But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment of every careless (or idle) word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.

Those things you simply need to get off your chest… that piece of your mind you need to give to a certain someone… those people you need to get told so they’ll back up off you… the repairman who is late, causing you to spend all day at home waiting… the person who cut you off in traffic… the person sitting in your seat in church…

What is the condition of your heart? Are you angry? Hurt? Seeking revenge? Walking in unforgiveness? Or are you frustrated? Having a bad day? Tired of being put down? Stepped on? Not taken seriously and ignored?

Do you not feel well? Want to be left alone? Are you so beset and depressed by the issues of life that you simply feel like giving up? Do you feel as though you have lost control of things?

Do you simply feel the need to lash out and flex your muscles? Is the person you’re talking to truly the source of your frustration or simply the unfortunate victim of your wrath?

Are you battling with God? Are you angry with Him?

Whatever the case may be, stop and check your heart. Examine your motives and reasons for why you feel the need to let loose, to express yourself any way you so choose… regardless of the consequences.

Think about your words. Will they help or hurt the situation? Heal or destroy the relationship? Will they reflect the true loving condition of your heart, or your lack of thought and self-control?

Speaking soft words is as much an exercise in self-control as it is checking your words and motives. Remember – it’s not only what you say but also how you say it.

The choice is yours, so choose your words wisely.

A Change in Direction

Being a person who has always had structured jobs… and a structured life, too, for that matter… it’s not easy to make a change that seems to be the opposite of all that. Yet that is where I find myself…

Let me explain…

I’ve battled migraines off and on for years, but in 2013, vertigo decided to join the party. Very unwelcome, I might add…

Anyway, the two of them decided to tag team against me. In 2016 things got to the point where I was out of work more than in at times and I never knew what to expect. Finally, I was forced to take early retirement…

… and the fun began…

My structured life was no more. Oh, sure… I LOVE not having to punch a clock… and I REALLY love being able to sleep a little later if I’m not feeling the best… and I enjoy being able to come and go when I please…

So, what’s the problem?

I got B O R E D!!!

I realized that I’m one of those people who NEEDS structure in her life!

Oh sure, I want it to be much more flexible and fluid than when I was working, but orderly nevertheless! So… six months after retiring, I’m working on putting order back in my life.

Which brings me to this blog…

This is part of the order setting process.

Actually, the thought of blogging scared the life out of me for a very long time – as in years. I never saw myself as a writer and yet it’s what I’ve done quite a bit (if you count school…). I blogged for a while a few years ago and then stopped. Life happened…

So I gave up.

Problem was, it never left me… so I started again… and now I have peace in doing so.

Truth is, there are many people in this world who are faced with a change in direction in their lives whether by choice or by force. While I don’t have all the answers and probably won’t be able to affect change for them, I can offer words of encouragement and comfort.

See, blogging/writing causes one to be open and reflective. There’s a degree of transparency that is inherent in the process, and if I can help someone simply by blogging, then to God be the glory!

Yes, this is a serious change in direction for me. As I travel this new leg of my life’s adventurous journey and share experiences, thoughts, etc., through my blog, my prayer is that it will encourage someone.

Perhaps that person or persons will realize that while change is ever present, it’s not something to be feared. Instead, embrace it and go forward.

Maybe that person is you!